ONE STEP AT A TIME

I said i would update this daily but i happen to know for a fact that i wont. But i'll try to update this when i can. These past few days haven't been the easiest. Especially telling people about it, like my best friends. I have yet to tell some of them. Why? Maybe its fear...of telling them and having them accept something i barely have yet to accept for myself. Its not official i can still fight for this.

But for the second i was told about my diagnostic its so cliche to say that it felt like time froze. For me it did and when i came back to reality it felt like "life" slapped me in the face. Everything felt so limited and out of reach. Sitting their motionless as the Dr told me i could loose complete sight within a year or two if not acted on aggressively.

Walking home i began to question everything ,including my faith. Sounds so dramatic you think? But its what happened and i told myself " i don't need a reason to be angry with GOD" I do believe that things do happen for a reason,whether good or bad. But HE wouldn't give me something he knew i couldn't handle. Even though at times we may stumble, HE'd never let us completely fall. My faith is still in tact and I'm never going to question it again.

The amount of tears cried over this "condition" I could have hydrated an entire nation/mini country. But I'm tired..exhausted of thinking. Me crying about it isn't going to take back the fact i have Glaucoma.Yet I mask whats really going down inside with smiles that are hollow in hope that there will always be a better tomorrow.It happened , its happening, i have my good days and my bad but I'm looking on the bright side of things .

I'm eternally grateful for the love and support i have received these past few days .It has given me strength and hope to pull through this.

BTW putting those eye drops in are a bitch and a half. My grandma was diagnosed with Galucoma maybe a year ago and I've taken noticed to the labels. There the exact same ones i use to drop in her eyes for her. When you open your eyes its even blurrier than what it already was. BUT their suppose to help decrease the pressure in my eyes. Feels like weights on my eyes,i constantly look bitchy and tired and I've had people ask if i was alright. I want to scream to them " NOOOOOO NOTHINGS ALL RIGHT!" but i don't , i just stare at them and walk away because they don't know any better.

AND no i haven't told my family about this either .Feels too final if i do. I know i should,but it still hurts just talking about it. I worry about my grandma from the moment i wake up to the seconds where I'm about to knock out and sleep. The last thing i want is to make her worry about me. What I'm going through is so petty in comparison through the constant health struggles shes been battling for years.

But i shall proceed and live my life accordingly. Sure i could get blindsided and hit by a bus while I'm admiring the bright ass sun ( which has actually happened...well almost banged) but i'm not going to worry about that..I'm doing what i can and taking it one day at a time..one step at a time.